Pretending to Be…


The most Dangerous Place in the World…

… is your bed.

The Erie railroad kills 23 to 46; the other 845 railroads kill an average of one-third of a man each; and the rest of that million, amounting in the aggregate to that appalling figure of 987,631 corpses, die naturally in their beds! You will excuse me from taking any more chances on those beds. The railroads are good enough for me.

-Mark Twain excerpted from “The Danger of Lying in Bed”

…so continues my love/hate relationship with my refuge of rest otherwise known as my bed…



A Ransom Note Left in a Dark Room…
December 17, 2008, 2:40 am
Filed under: Pretending to be a Writer, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

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So finals are all done. School is done for this semester. Not going Home till tomorrow. Kinda bored. Working on my portfolio for a bit. Guess its a blessing in disguise.

Anyway…
I was thinking about something the other day. It has occurred to me that I really REALLY REALLY hate bad handwriting. I think it is my biggest pet peeve more than pEoPlE tHaT wRiTe lIkE tHiS in text messages & facebook comments and more than people who misspell every other word. I find it kind of ironic that many of my peeves are related to writing/typing. And by bad handwriting I am not speaking of people who write illegibly. The stereotype of Doctors are they have loopy scribble that no one can understand. I really dont mind that. As long as it has a style. I just cant stand people who write like 3rd graders. Perfectly legible, but it looks fugly.

Example:
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My roommate left me the gas bill before he left for the holidays. It looks like a fuckin ransom note. If I showed you this handwriting what would your impression of him be? Would it be good? I think your handwriting gives people an impression of your intelligence. The guy who wrote this is a pretty smart guy. He missed a 4.0 G.P.A. by only a half a letter grade this semester. But he writes like a 7 year old. Does this bother anyone else? Just me?

I mean there is little need, especially in this age of computers, to ever hand-write anything. It just gets on my last nerves when I see bad handwriting. I rather listen to somebody run their nails down a chalkboard… ok maybe not, but it does drive me insane.



Back to the Future…
November 7, 2008, 11:01 pm
Filed under: Pretending to be a Poet, Pretending to be a Writer | Tags: , , ,

In the future men will wear t-shirts displaying a picture of their cock and salary.

Women will come in twos, for the monogamous women will have long been bred out of nature in favor of the ménage á trios kind, so that finally, manly hunters can indulge in Miller Lite Fantasies and proudly gather their 15 seconds of commercialized ejaculation.

Light from stars will shine through atmospheric cut outs of corporate slogans, beaming onto Earth great advertisements from the sky.

Metal will erect into the clouds. You will stroke the building, riding it floor to floor, inserting yourself completely. You will let it warm you and feed you, nourishing insulation, fuck your Mother.

Serial TV will be wired throughout your skull, and you will shut your eyes to internally display the good ol’ pastime for your vicarious mind.

Everything will exist outside ourselves as ends, and through there will be means to everything, these means will be owned and assumed. As flies stuck in the web, we will be born as we are caught, our dreams the last measure of freedom we would have sought.

Life will be an ant farm.

Numbers will bleed from the sky- philosophy splashed with rhetoric and rationalism, churchmongers choking on faith pills.

Music will be reduced to one simple tone, perfectly balanced, the ultimate hook, impossible to forget and intrinsically unchallengeable.

Children will virtually kill each other virtually.

Politicians will set up lemonade stands.

Oceans will be drained for real estate and land owners will display souvenirs of Coke cans found littered in their sand yards.

Pornography will ascend to glamorous photos of shiny cars and you will jerk off to such aspirations.

Yin and Yang will go to war.

Physically defective people will be quarantined to parks where families vacation to feel better about functionality.

There will be no place for error.

And here now, I sit around perplexed, a stale pesticide.

In the past, I was a poet, full of diction and intellectual jargon, in love with wordy ideas and mesmerizing language, verbose for the sake of…

I hardly try anymore,

In the future, I never existed.


by Steve Morgan
as excerpted from ADBusters magazine
November.December 2008 issue #80
Volume 16 Number 6

steve_morgan _poem
click for full size



Barack Obama is a Metaphor…

“Love is a red red Rose”

Metaphors are wonderful for the fact that it attempts to explain the deepest and most profound theories & ideas in a few simple words. The fact that a rose has thorns, its beautiful fragrance and aesthetic prowess, or the chance that it may shrivel and die; all the aspects of a rose hold a connection to love that can explain the intricacies of that hormonal state we call love. Love is truly a red red rose.

But the problem with this metaphor, as well as with all metaphors, is that while they apply generally to all people, once you get to specific examples and conflicts of love it ceases to hold any relevance. Does the red red rose metaphor describe the a situation where you are married to a women, but since she was married before you have to see her ex-husband all the time? Or when you love someone but their whole family objects to it? The bottom line is that metaphors fail when you attempt to use them in situations that are individual-specific conflicts.

The right side of your brain uses feeling, is “big picture” oriented, where imagination rules, uses symbols and images, looks at present and future, consideres philosophy & religion, it believes, appreciates, has spatial perception, knows object function, is fantasy based, presents possibilities, is impetuous, and is risk taking.

In short the right side of the brain is what causes you to think in metaphorical terms.

The left side of your brain you ask? It uses uses logic, is detail oriented, facts rule, thinks in words and language, connects present and past, math and science, can comprehend, acknowledges, knows order/pattern perception, knows object name, is reality based, forms strategies, and is practical & safe

The reason for stating all this is to throw two more metaphors at you:
“Barack Obama is Hope.”
“Barack Obama is Change.”

Now the question I pose, is should politicians deal in metaphors? Should politics in general emphasize metaphors? Am I wrong to reason that politics and government should deal in left-brain activities not the metaphoric nature of the right-side of the brain?

But politics and government are slowly becoming a huge, boring metaphor. Barack Obama is a prime example of that. His policies are thrown to the back burner while metaphorical ideas and his “All-American story” is spun every which way to cater to peoples of different backgrounds who are supposed to relate. Hell, you can even purchase his “All-American” Story.
Barack Obama is very much a right-side of the brain thinker as his eloquent speeches have shown. Obama is an individual that embraces the metaphor and a major faction of the American people, as well as the world, have embraced the metaphor that is Barack Obama. Obama’s metaphor has been interpreted through song and through art. Obama’s metaphor, for all intensive purposes, has swept the nation.

And while I will cast my vote for this metaphorical man (btw is voting a left-side brain activity or right-side brain activity) I refuse to believe or get caught up in any metaphor. Nor will I care about or indulge myself in the Democrat Nation Convention either. My life and its conflicts are NOT metaphors. And while metaphorical men have changed the nation and the world, a metaphorical man in modern day politics never has and never will. And also, while I pride myself in being a well informed citizen of the United States of America I don’t deal or care about politics. And to let everyone in on a secret: Barack Obama is a politician. He’s not Jesus.

So all this was just a foreword to say whats really on my mind:
Fuck politics, metaphorically speaking of course.



Working at Play, Playing at Work
January 18, 2008, 3:58 pm
Filed under: Pretending to be a Philosopher, Pretending to be a Writer


Im reading a amazingly interesting book for my Writing for Design Seminar class. Its called The Working Life by Joanne B. Ciulla. Despite forewarnings about how boring this book is, I am enjoying it so far (this is probably so because I am a dork but thats off topic). These are all just thoughts, just exploring how weird us humans are and trying to kill a hour before my class.

The idea in one of the chapters is how we incorporate work into play. Even in areas and activities of leisure we find traces and evidence of work. Basically we make play sound like productive work. Terms like “Working Out”, “Playing Golf to woo clients”, “Basketball to unwind” “Jog for cardiovascular health”, and the list goes on. We tend to justify why we play, forgetting that play is in fact illogical and inefficient. Just think of little kids. They get so much pleasure out of the stupidest things. Like jumping. My little cousin can jump all day, for no reason, and she gets so much joy out of it. I remember the scene in “Knocked up” where the little girl is chasing bubbles, and the two guys are amazed at how fun she is having. Work is Work, Play is Play. Stop trying to mix those two up in a laboratory to create a hybrid, wlay or plork or any other stupidness like that (lol plork, good stuff, no?) But in fact it is natural for humans to flip flop work and play. When playing football I tend to forget to have fun, as the inner competitiveness comes out and all I care about is work to win. Think about just the nature of football, the point is to but the ball over a imaginary endzone. But we make that task difficult putting 11 defenders with helmets and pads that try desperately to stop you. The example used in the book is Golf.

“…if your job required you to put a little white ball in eighteen holes, you certainly wouldnt do it by hitting it with a thin stick over lakes, hills, and sandtraps. The point of golf is to make it as difficult as possible to get the ball in the eighteen holes. Getting the ball into the hole is important to the player, but having the golf balls in the holes serve no purpose whatsoever outside of the game.”

Ans then conversely, we try to make work into play. I dont have to tell you, you know everyone attempts to “enjoy their work” make it “not seem like work” Offices, firms and business try to “create a playful atmosphere”.

So we “work in hope to play” and “play in seek of work” instead of letting “play be play” and “work be work”.

Say that 6x fast.



Waxing Poetic…
January 11, 2008, 4:40 pm
Filed under: Pretending to be a Writer, Pretending to be an Activist

Of the many reasons why Obama should become president, I feel this is his greatest strength: When he speaks, people not just listen but actually take it into their hearts and minds. Here is a little of what he said at the NH primary:

We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we’ve been told that we’re not ready, or that we shouldn’t try, or that we can’t, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.

Yes we can.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

If you look back at the all great leaders in modern time the one thing they have all shared is articulate, emotion stirring speech. To get more specific, the greatest of our presidents have been gifted with speaking to the people. The greatest of them all arguably, Abraham Lincoln, had the ability to transfer his words into hope.

“We all declare for liberty; but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing. With some the word liberty may mean for each man to do as he pleases with himself, and the product of his labor; while with others, the same word may mean for some men to do as they please with other men, and the product of other men’s labor. Here are two, not only different, but incompatible things, called by the same name – liberty. And it follows that each of the things is, by the respective parties, called by two different and incompatible names – liberty and tyranny.”

Address at Sanitary Fair, Baltimore, Maryland” April 18, 1864

The gift of mediation, to effectively communicate while at the same time connect with the audience.FDR and JFK also shared his invaluable gift. I think it is impossible to lead without the seamless communication between the one individual and the people. Mind you, the people are a group of over 300 million in America’s case. The greatest speech’s of all time don not share a single theme except the ones of oppression, hope and change. Martin Luther’s “I have a Dream comes to mind. The theme? In times of oppression he gave gave and enacted change. Winston Churchill’s “We shall fight them on the beaches” during the second World War where a surrender of England seemed imminent.

we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender

England, June 4 1940

Again in times of oppression, hope is given that promises change.
How can a nation not be uplifted when their leader speaks of courage during abominably hard times? Although words can be hollow the effect it has on people should not be minimized. JFK’s inaugural speech also comes to mind: “Ask not what your country can do for you, but but you can do for your country.” Hope and change. Also does FDR’s many radio broadcasts during the Great Depression. He went on the radio everyday to speak to the people. Now do not think I am comparing these men’s achievements and accomplishments in any way to Obama, who has yet do anything. But in this society where the President is a figurehead and representative of 300 million people and an envoy for the world, an individual must have this gift. And in my lifetime I have not witnessed a president speak where I took the time to respectfully listen. Maybe it’s because I am grown up now. But I do not think its that.

Yes we can



Top-Ten Things I Digged about 2007
January 1, 2008, 6:11 am
Filed under: Picture and a Couple Words, Pretending to be a Writer

Another year is over, and here are 10 things that I really liked about 2007.

10. The Apatow Clan

Everything these days are big budget, green screen, and elaborate sets. But Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd and Judd Apatow brought back a very traditional method of comedy…. good jokes. Knocked Up and Superbad not only permeated through the eyes of viewers but into the depths of pop culture.

9. J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter
Yes I read Harry Potter. All seven books and I am a big fan of J.K. Rowling’s written fantasy. But what makes me dig her is the culture she has created. We live in a media driven society where young people spend most of their free time playing video games, on the internet, and watching MTV. But whenever the next Harry Potter book came out kids of all ages dropped everything to get a 1000 page book. Getting people excited to read is a feat that is as amazing as near impossible. And every time I think about it it never fails to leave me incredulous.


8. Barry Bonds gets Busted
OK, I know he wasn’t the only one that was exposed as a cheat. But just the arrogance at which he carried himself not only about himself but the records he broke. Hank Aaron’s 755 is not only a baseball statistic, it transcends sports into issues of race, humility, and class. Barry Bonds does not represent that. Yes Barry you are not the only one who cheated, but you are in the position of breaking hallowed ground. I vote for the fattest asterisk Major League Baseball can find and cement it next to his name.

7. Korea’s Developement
I take extreme pride in the fact that my parents immigrated here to the United States to live a better life. The irony now, is the economic and social development of South Korea has surpassed anyone’s expectations. In early January Ban Ki-Moon became the new Secretary General of the U.N. There is a effort to stop foreign adoption because the country is no longer is a ‘developing country’. South Korea won the bid to host the 2014 Asian Games. The Free Trade Agreement was a great success in Korean trade diplomacy between Washington and Seoul. Things done change, and quick.


6. Al Gore Winning the Nobel Peace Prize
With all the troubles of the world, death, and destruction its important to realize if we don’t take care of the environment we wont have a place to kill each other. The Nobel Prize winner said it best when he stated: “The planet is in distress and all of the attention is on Paris Hilton. We have to ask ourselves what is going on here?”


5.Hip Hop is NOT Dead
I cant remember a better year for Hip Hop in my short lifetime. With legends such as Common, Talib Kweli, Jay-Z, Ghostface, Little Brother, ad Scarface releasing solid albums. Newcomers like Lupe Fiasco and Saigon making their mark on the industry. Underground rap rearing its talented voice with my album of the year Blu & ExileBelow the Heavens’ and the always solid Blue Scholar’s ‘Bayani’ all coming out of the West Coast this year. And you know the South still producing all the anthems for the seasons and hits for the charts. Not to mention solid efforts by veterans, Kanye West, Fabolous, Beanie Sigel and Freeway all with solid LPs.

4. The Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team.
Its sad that a certain asshole Disc Jockey overshadowed the fact that this team had an amazing Cinderella run in basketball terms. They upset Duke then LSU to advance to the Championship game before losing to the more talented Lady Vols. This story is enough to make it on the list but then these ladies demonstrated incredible class, poise, and intelligence in the way they handled themselves in the whole Don Imus situation. Not only did they sincerely accept a rather unsincere apology from Imus but they exemplified the polar opposite of the very definition of what a ‘nappy headed hoe’ is. Cheers ladies.

3. Golden State Warriors
Million dollar athletes diving for loose balls, running breathlessly up and down the court to viciously dunk it, and when they dont they launch 3 pointers. Just the way basketball should be played. With guys you cant help but root for, the ferocious Baron Davis leading the team, the unfairly stereotyped Stephen Jackson, the underdog Matt Barnes, and the hustling Monta Ellis. Not only the fact that upset the Mavericks to make NBA history, but just the way their arena explodes with every momentum swing their way. Just the hard nose way they play reminds me of the Knicks from the 90s with the tough point guard in Ward and Childs, the undersized front court players in Oakley and Johnson and the way the Garden would erupt during games, win or lose. SIGH*… i miss those days… anyway Golden State Warriors are probably the most fun team to watch. Last year and this year to come.

2. College Football Upsets
In an ironic twist I am a huge Michigan Fan. So the fact my season was over after the first game when they became the first Division-1 team to lose to a Division -II team in NCAA history, had a bittersweet taste as it was a prelude to the crazy season that would follow.

Stanford 24, No. 2 USC 23
They were 40 point underdogs. Not that fact alone but the dramatic fashion in which they won on a game winning fade to the front corner of the endzone. Did I mention they were 40 point underdogs?

Pittsburgh 13, No. 2 West Virginia 9
If West Virgina wins they play for the National Championship. But in this unexpected year Pat White goes down with injury and so does the their championship aspirations.

Colorado 27, No. 3 Oklahoma 24
Boise State was down by 3 scores in the second half. But they overcame that ad beat a more talented team with a last second field goal. Oh wait… did I say Boise State??? I meant Colorado… silly me, what made me think of Boise State in a game where Oklahoma was upset???

Syracuse 38, No. 18 Louisville 35
Syracuse — a 36 1/2-point underdog — ended Louisville’s 20-game home-winning streak and completely exposed the horrendous defense that would haunt the Cardinals all season long. This astonishing triumph ended up being one of two wins for the ’07 Orange.

Arkansas 50, No. 1 LSU 48
Following a heart-breaking, triple-overtime loss to Kentucky, LSU rolled off four straight wins to reclaim the No. 1 spot. Then it ran into Darren McFadden. This game almost cost them a chance to play for the Championship.

Illinois 28, No. 1 Ohio State 21
The top-ranked Buckeyes simply had no answer for Illinois QB Juice Williams. Williams — who had struggled for much of the season prior to this game — made big play after big play, burning Ohio State for four touchdown passes and 70 yards rushing.

1.Tony Dungy Wins a Superbowl
There was probably nothing more satisfying this year than watching that man be carried on the shoulders of his players to lift up the Lombardi Trophy. With the tragic event of his son’s suicide still fresh on all our minds; the First black coach to win a Superbowl; his exemplary leadership and poise that permeates through all this players; and the fact he turned the worst franchise in NFL history in the Tampa Bay Bucs to only watch John Gruden win a Superbowl with HIS players; and finally the fact that he turned the Colts from a “finesse team” into a smashmouth team, on both offense and defense. A man that has every right to be revered in every aspect of the sport and life.